God hears my prayers

he is taking this burden

 

one of my current frustrations is being sorted

well.. sorted enough without it going away all-together which would have been ideal.

 

and problem number two is being worked on tomorrow 

we'll see how that goes

 

nothing else to report...other than I got luggage tags today

and um made dinner

and... did a ton of other things that aren't that interesting

 

I got a phone call from a dear old friend tonight

totally made my day

;)

 

bed time now... more adventures in the morning.

hit me in the face like a 2x4

 

in two days I've gone from relaxed to chest pains

I'm trying to be calm

but with 4 days left it's crunch time

and things are broken that I'm afraid there wont be time to fix

big things

expensive things

important things

well planned out things

 

if they were my things I wouldnt stress as much...

but they aren't

I feel responcible... and unreliable

I hate that

 

I don't know what to do

other than pray for patience and a coma

it's frustrating and stressful

 

it's only been 4 hours and I'm tired

exhausted

and waiting for the next blow

 

God I need help

take this burden.....

 

leaving, when you know that life goes on without you.

 

don't think for a moment that I'm selfish enough to believe that life should stop once I'm gone

I'm selfish..but not that selfish

I just want to continue to be part of the lives of those who have had such an incredible impact on mine.

I used to think that I would much rather leave than be left......

now I'm not so sure there's a difference between the two

both are quite lonely

 

4days left

and there are so many people that I need to say goodbye to.

not goodbye forever

but certainly goodbye to a life and a me that I had been so comfortable with

 

At this point I almost wish I was already gone

 

I feel like... my finger hurts... so to stop the pain... I'll cut off my arm

dumb right?

yeah well... try to say gooodbye to so many amazing people

and tell me that you don't want it done with quickly

 

I'll try to make the most of my 4 days

I am very excited to be going and I really can't wait to get there

for more reasons than I could even account of

 

see... mixed emotions

this is what I'm living with

like I'm bi-polar or schitzophrenic (if I spelled the right I rock) or something

at least if I was one of those I would have an excuse!

it's very confusing

 

Elysha is all grown up *wipes away tear*

 

she's packing for college right now

and throwing all her junk on my bed

brat

 

6 winter coats...

30 pictures of herself (she says there's other people in them)

one shelf that mum is trying to steal back (that has ripped paint off the wall)

 

mum is currently dismantling her bed to take into her room across the hall

leaving Elysha to sleep on a fold up cot in the corner of her own room for a week

There is reasoning behind this.. however, I am choosing not to post it because

it is much funnier to picture elysha as a homeless bum

I think I'll cover her in newspaper tonight

 

Oh wait

we have just discovered somethign amazing

if you have an opened pack of crackers and pretzels

they will survive, without becoming moldy

if you throw them under your bed in a box of other junk

from last August's camping trip

amazing eh?

I'm surprized she doesn't have roaches!

 

in 8 days both Lysh and I leave mum all on her own

I guess that would be the first time in 24 years

looong time

we'll see how she copes ;)

 

proud of my sister though

for focussing on her future and going to college

 

you better let me know all about it lysh

and I better get free massages for life!

tomorrow is my last day at work

it's been a strange week

only because there hasn't been much to do

everything is kind of in limbo

waiting for projects to come in to start working on

 

I think what I'm most excited about is having my days off next week

I'm planning on getting up early so that I can utilize the hours effectively

i'll let you know how that goes :P

but there's so much to do

I can't wait to actually cross things off as "done"

 

so tomorrow the work countdown reaches zero

which means not much time now before everything changes

...

 

 

mmmm unemployment

im attempting to clean this place up

make it tidy for updates while im away

im thinking of getting rid of the audio and album content as well but i've grown partial to it

maybe I should just start over... yeah right

 

whatever the case.. there will be some changes around here

so bear with me if things look messed

im particular about colours and layout but to clean you must first destroy

at least that's what i say

cause it's way more fun that way

 

peace

here's what's going on in the next few weeks

 

packing.... packing... more packing

I probably wont start that till the day before I leave though.... 

 

so Sept 4 I fly down to Atlanta

spend two days there getting things ready with the Salvation Army part of my Mission

then I get a ride up to Gainsville

there, I will partake in a 14 day camping experience with about 175 other people.

this will include, living in tents, showering outdoors and porto-potties being our luxury bathrooms

 

I will meet my Kenya teammates here as well as all other teams

set to travel to all corners of the world to live for the next nine months.

we will all be working together with teambuilding, relationship building and training and some sort of orientation

 

on Sept 20 my teammates and I will fly from atlanta to Kenya

Sept 22 we arrive in Nairobi

and what happens after that I've no idea

 

but I'll let you know when I find out!

 

now...as for the stupid american airport issue

ANNOYING

I have a lot of research to do

it's a little hard to pack up and move when they wont even allow deoderant on the plane

booo

 

oh well... what do you do?

travel smelly..that's what!

I'm starting to get that all too familiar feeling of being unproductive

to be honest, I thought I had more time

 

it hit me today

this week is half way done and I havent really done anything I need to do since I got back from holiday

 

there's no anxiety

it's too surreal to be stressful

it feels fake so I'm not taking it seriously

the one thing I should be doing is spending as much time with God as possible

this is crunch time

I'm about to hurl myself off a cliff and I need to be close to the only one who is in control of a safe landing.

I don't know what is going to happen in the next few weeks as I leave the only place I know as home

but He does

 

---

 

I was sitting on the sand watching the waves come in off the ocean around midnight last week

and I was trying so hard to remember all the things that I've heard God's grace and love related to

I was in a crappy mood..

down... and beating myself further into the ground

I was getting frustrated because one of my favourite videos "indescribable" I've seen so many times and yet

I couldnt remember what I wanted to remember

and then God told me to shut up

my brain was running in cirlces the way it does when you cant remember someones name and it's on the tip of your tongue

and then "shut up.. be quiet.. and I'll show you my love"

 

and he did... he wiped away the things that were bothering me that day

as quickly as the waves hit the beach and retreated back to the ocean

insecurities, unworthyness and guilt... gone

he took my sadness and turned it into contentment

because he wanted to tell me himself..

not have me just remember some verses that were in some video.

 

my heart knows this is a real God I serve

a God who truly cares about the small stuff... my sulking and bad days

the same God wants to send me to a country I've never been before

to care for others and see amaxing things

 

He cares so much for me but I so often pass up time with Him for such unimportance

I'm terrified of being where I was 2 years ago

so lost even a map couldnt help me

the only way to stay from that is to keep reading the map

keep my eyes on the destination

never forget who I am and who I am created to be

never cease to depend on God's plan

rely on His grace

and live in His love

 

this place and this place alone

is where I find safety, strength, peace and my home

wherever I am on this earth

 

as sure as the waves crashing on the shore...

glorious!

it was so relaxing...

 

I got back from Myrtle beach last night and realized, not one day was spent wondering...

 

I have to say.. I love Myrtle Beach, and the ocean

minus the sharks... there was a shark scare

I never saw it but it was checking out my friend

prolly just wanting to see if she would make a nice snack

 

anyways... I have a lot of work to do so I cant really type about the whole week

but it was great... really was

 

a couple of times I wondered if I should be there, for a couple of reasons

but I'm glad I was...

I'm glad I got to spend time with a few of the ppl that I care for most...

and I got to really relax before I take off on a crazy long mission

 

plus I probably wont be able to go again for a very very very long time

if ever again....

you just never know

 

 

 

 

the rain held off...

 

till we drove into the parking lot!!

then it poured

or as the song goes... the rain rain rain came down down down....

 

we were completely soaked through by the second T off

and the rain kept coming till hole 7ish

 

it was a lot of fun though

dispite the rain... and the not knowing how to golf

and all the lost balls and club flown into a tree

 

but those were also highlights

it was hilarious.. really

im kind of glad it was raining. it added to the craziness

 

so it was a big success

especially the money raised

a great fundraiser

and thanks to my friend james.. it was all taken care of

Seems like I've been getting a lot of that lately

I don't even know what I'm going to do with myself when I finish work on the 25th

I'm guessing that getting ready to move will be enough work

but I've been so un-worried about everything lately

It's just a strange feeling

awesome... but strange

 

Ive got a golf tournament today

to help raise money for my trip

Very exciting... Ive never golfed

my team consists of

myself,

my dad (never really golfed),

my friends sheri (never golfed)

and rob (I think he's a golfer)

 

tonight... after golfing...

I'm heading down to Myrtle Beach with some very good friends of mine

I've never been before... Ive never been on vacation outside of Ontario

other than when I was five, my Aunt took me to Disney world

and a couple years later I visited her in Quebec

both I don't remember very well

so I'm looking very forward to the next week of just relaxing and having a good time.

 

I'll let you know if I've drowned anyone when I get back

 

another development.....

the AC guys are at my mum's house right now hooking up the central

so when I get back I might actually be able to have a decent night's sleep

in the nice cold fake air that I love.

unless there's another blackout

CONSERVE ENERGY GUYS

(I'm going partially blind from sitting at work in the dark.. but better than no power at all)

 

alright, I've rambled enough

peace