connie's profileNapenda Kenya - forever ...PhotosBlogListsMore  |  Tools Help |
|
May 21 I don't want to be hereit's not that I didn't miss it (aspects of it)
or my family and friends
cause I did miss them
but I don't want to be here right now
I want to be on Karanja road
I want to be in the slums
I want to be surrounded by kids that think white skin and arm hair
is the most fascinating thing they've ever seen
I cried this morning
the first time I've cried since returning home
though everything I do here makes me want to cry
every person I talk to
every time I get in my car
every time I eat a meal
I'm homesick for a place that's not my home
I want to be with my team but they've moved on
I'm supposed to move on
but I feel so stuck right now
the only thing that has brought me joy being home is the Lord
in a land of "abundance" my only Joy is in Christ
He comforts me in my self initiated isolation
He encourages me with His promises
and leads me to a place I don't dare leave: in His presence
His grace is sufficient for me
even in times like this
when I don't want to be here
but here I am
and here He is
helping me sort through it all May 18 Looking back: Kwa heri
It’s hard to believe that last Sunday I was sitting at
Calvary Blue House Church in Kibera.
Pastor Timothy called the Wazungu (white people) up to the front to say their goodbyes
and Anna passed me the microphone it hit me…
this really was the last time I would be at this church.
I struggled to get my words out while fighting back tears
but the real flood came when the service was over.
I shook countless hands and hugged my friends not wanting to let them go.
We shared the encouragement of promises to pray for each other,
promises I intend to keep.
I exchanged contacts with a few people who have the luxury of a cell phone
or an email address and hoped that time would stand still for a while.
I think the hardest thing about saying goodbye to Kibera is the lacking probability
that I will be able to stay in touch with most people.
Cell phones are often stolen and numbers changed
and emails are few and far between
because they simply haven’t been taught computers yet.
People that live in the slum don’t often have mailing addresses either
and use the addresses of schools or churches.
The most difficult part, by far, was Monday night,
the night of our departure, and throughout the day the cul-de-sac was becoming increasingly populated with visitors coming to wish us well.
It was hard to walk by the people knowing that packing had to be finalized.
all I wanted to do was stand with my arms around my friends.
Evening neared and our friends, the young boys,
started to show signs of how much this affected their lives
through tears and pleas for us to stay.
I thank God for the opportunity to spend time with them and just play
because I feel like even through the pain of leaving
it was more than worth it to be part of these boys’ lives.
We went for dinner down the road at 6:30 and ate one last time as a team.
We headed back to the house to be ready to roll out to the airport at 8pm
and I will never forget this part of our night.
As we drove down Karanja road toward the house
some of the boys were along the side of the road…
they saw us coming and started running with the matatu,
escorting us home with shouts of welcome
and pretty much making us feel like guests of honour.
When we got to the house I waded through the crowd of kids towards the gate
to head in and grab my luggage.
When I got inside the gate the AIM kids were sitting on one side of the driveway
waiting for us to say goodbye as a group.
I lost it.
I looked over at the girls bent over crying into their sleeves
and I couldn’t be strong anymore.
I hugged and said goodbye to them individually hating that I had to,
but so thankful that these kids will be easy to stay in touch with
because they live with Denise who is AIM staff.
A couple of the kids wanted to pray for us so we prayed in a circle
with the sounds of kids crying lingering in the background just outside our gate.
We had to get going or we would miss our flight
so the team reluctantly climbed in the matatu and watched as our home
and our friends disappeared.
It was a very difficult week
but I think the pain was a gauge of the love I have experienced.
Love that God has taught me through these people and through His word.
Even as we say kwa heri it’s not over.
These are relationships that will last,
through prayer and through the love that we share for each other and for our God. Looking back: MombasaMombasa is… in one word…
Well there is no one word to describe it so I’ll use a bunch.
Amazing, stunning, beautiful, incredible, inspiring, spectacular, exciting….
I could go on, but I won’t because you can come up with your own words from the photos I have posted here
Our team got on a train to Mombasa on May 7th and rode 18 hours
- or something equally ridiculous - to Kenya’s coast.
It was a fun ride though, complete with bunks for each of us and a tiny hallway where we could be obnoxious and watch elephants out the window along the way.
We finally arrived at the station to a humidity that would make a fish look dry
and had two drivers take us to our destination.
I wasn’t expecting anything really, we were going for de-brief
so I guess I had in my mind that it would be a bit like our December debrief in Nairobi
at the YMCA.
WRONG!
It was raining when we arrived
but even a hurricane could not dull the beauty
we suddenly found ourselves immersed in.
Our cabins looked out to a view of the Indian ocean,
framed by coconut trees and occasionally disturbed by monkeys.
The wildlife there was mainly things I had not encountered before.
There were, of course, monkeys, who I have grown to dislike.
(You may remember a previous update about unpleasant encounter with them.)
there were all kinds of crabs (even found one in my room),
huge spiders, various types of reptiles including strange looking frogs and lizards,
crazy looking sea creatures and even camels on the beach.
The sun was very hot, the air was very damp and the rains fell often.
It is rainy season in Mombasa which worked out well for us. We practically had the whole beach to ourselves.
We went snorkeling on Thursday.
Yep, my first time snorkeling ever
and we saw an octopus, a 4 foot eel, dolphins,
lots of coral and the coolest looking fish I’ve ever seen…
and I was swimming with them.
The whole 4 days there was really amazing, I was in awe the whole time.
The debrief part was really great too. AIM flew in one of their staff, Kevin,
to come and help us with some of the things we would face
as we left Kibera and headed home.
Kevin did an amazing job and it was really nice to have someone
just as goofy as the team to come in and mix things up.
We left Mombasa on May 11th and took a bus home,
which was much faster than the train.
We arrived home to Kibera in the morning and prepared ourselves for
2 more very busy days of difficult goodbyes… May 03 week of lastsI just realized...
as I sit here in nairobi java house, catching up on email,
this is the last time I will sit at java and check emails
my last time to talk with kelly, Bernard, Henry and Christine who have served us here
.....
I am meeting with my friend Chris in about 20 minutes
it will be our last time to hang out together
my last walk from Nakumatt to Java
it sounds like nothing
but it's everything right now
I only feel it when I think about it
so I'm just going to take it one "last time" at a time
one goodbye at a time
and before I know it, I'll be home
as upsetting as it is
I was talking with Lawrence yesterday on the way through the slum to my Kenyan mother's house
how he is so sad we are leaving but He knows he has gained friends who will continue to pray for him
even though we are a world apart we still have that to unite us
Lawrence, like most people here, is so encouraging
even while saying goodbye there is so much joy May 02 a hundred timesIt’s getting tough again
But Jesus never said that following Him would be easy
He did make promises though… lots of them, for help and protection and guidance
Some scripture was brought to my attention yesterday that was really comforting
With the reality of leaving this place being 12 days away
It’s yet another time when I’m leaving everything I’ve become comfortable with
A life I’ve grown to love and a place and people I dread to leave
But Jesus says this to His disciples in Matthew 19:29-30
It’s exactly what I needed to hear yesterday
Leaving home to come here was hard
Leaving here to go home is hard
Every time the Lord calls me to leave anything will be hard
but that’s what being a disciple is about, serving God with everything
Jesus says in Luke 14:33,
“In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.”
these things that I have are gifts from God as it is
Family, friends, church, a car, stuff…
And if the God who gave them to me says,
anyone who leaves these things will receive a hundred times as much
That’s a pretty good deal… and a great promise
But it’s not comforting just because there’s reward for following Christ
It’s because He knows that it’s hard, He can relate and He can sympathize
Jesus left heaven to come to this dark planet…
because He loves us and we need Him
I was called to Kibera, which is a pretty dark place,
but I certainly didn’t leave a place anywhere close to what Heaven is like
He left a throne to be mocked and murdered
How can I complain when He asks me to leave anything?
He is faithful and true to His word
The promises are there
I desire to be the kind of person who lives a life of visible faith
By trusting His word, no matter what the cost
Even if I have to leave it all
Because His grace is more valuable than anything this world has to offer |
|
|
